In the past few weeks, my friends go to music festivals and tend to do a lot of hard drugs there. I use to do the same, but stopped and wanted to live and grasp life in a different way of thinking. So here’s the problem, i pushed almost everyone out of my life except for my roommates. My EX on and off again is the only one that is constantly wanting to be in my life. She believes, im her one, that one person she will marry, and live life. I make her complete. I am a pretty different kind of guy, i’ve never had a girlfriend in my life, and just fucked. I tried a relationship with her, and it went it. Though i started to take my friends opinions of her into account way too much. (Note: Same friends that go to festivals) I am a pretty much close mouthed person, she peeled my layers of my mind and life and let my walls down. The first person i started to trust, but she had her problems as well. I would admittedly be a little cold and not warm being in new field of relationships. The reason for the first break up was i felt i wasnt full into it as she does (shes a really caring person). (during this time my brother was getting a divorce after almost 2 years).
Basically , my problem is this. I have little contact with my closest friends, but she is the closest person ever in my life. We have jealousy when we are broken up, and she had some even in the relationship. In a way she can say the things that would keep us together, touching those feels. I can do the same to her.
tl;dr im in a crazy on and off again relationship and ending of quarter life crisis kind of deal.
Anyone want to help me tackle this on?