I’ve always been a lurker and have decided to create an account and finally post something I really want advice on. I have 2 friends and they’re busy w/ their lives so I don’t have anyone to turn to. My boyfriend of 6 months is saying it probably won’t work out. I don’t want to break up at all. I know it has only been 6 months but I love him dearly and want things to work. I don’t know who is in the wrong and I need an outside perspective to shed light.
Things that he does that hurt my feelings: – He keeps accusing me of going out on a date w/ this one guy from work when I never, ever did. He use to be a friend/coworker. I ceased my communication w/ him b/c of the trouble it was causing our relationship. He has become so vulgar that at one point he made an inappropriate gesture w/ his hands about what I might have done under the dinner table w/ him. – He makes me feel like I’m undeserving of a good man. He’ll say things like “do you have any idea how many girls hit on me?” “how many opportunities I’ve had” “how many times I’ve been offered to go to places where there’s nothing but half-naked girls around?” I responded w/ something I shouldn’t have. I said “Why should I thank you, that’s something I expect of you. We are suppose to respect each other.” He didn’t take that well & I had to take back what I said. I ended up expressing appreciation for not doing disrespectful things but that it’s also expected of him. – During our arguments he likes to leave. He thinks he can diffuse the situation by avoiding me when I’m being “psycho.” I’ve been jealous on a numerous occasions as he has so we both have similar issues. I tend to keep most of my jealousy under wraps and it rears its ugly head now and again. I know I need to control it if I don’t him to ignore or leave me.
Things that I have done that hurt his feelings – I have broken up with him a handful of times. Each time was due to him blowing up at me w/ accusations of sleeping with other men. This was all new to me so I didn’t know how to handle it. I immediately thought the best solution was to pack up, give him his key, & leave. He begged me a couple times not to. I told him I had to keep my best interest at heart as well and that he was just going to continue breaking me down w/ his yelling and fighting. Now he doesn’t care if I’m in tears…. or rather, he doesn’t react the same way like he use to. He resents me for bringing him to stoop so low as to beg me not to leave him. I didn’t want to hurt him at that time, my leaving him wasn’t baseless. I was doing it b/c I was so hurt myself. One morning I wake up at 330 am to get ready for work. I go up to the bathroom and he yells “I can’t even get some f****** sleep around here b/c she’s texting guys all night!” I go back in & tell him that I only glanced at my phone to turn off the alarm. He kept shouting and accusing. I couldn’t even finish getting ready, I just packed my stuff and left for work.
We are both very jealous at times. We both acknowledge this issue. I know that I can be really hard to deal with but I don’t want to end the relationship. Each time I broke up I never really wanted to which is why I always came back within the next couple days. I know this sounds unhealthy but I’m willing to fix myself and gain the patience to be okay with him having hobbies that take hours away from our time together, with him having many, many female friends, with him having his phone & computer password-protected, among other things.
I know I sound like a mess right now but I’m really hurting and in tears. I don’t want to let him go.
Bf of 6 months wants to break up b/c we’re fighting too often – Both of us have our issues. I more so acknowledge that I’m at fault too but he makes it seem like I’m the one w/ the more serious problems. – We’re both jealous, have insecurity issues, and have done very hurtful things – I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or if he is. I don’t want him to end the relationship but I also am unsure of whether he is mistreating me or not.