Hello, me and my bf are 9 months into our relationship.
Today, was good in the beginning. It ended in a break/up. My boyfriend interrogated me of my phone. He got upset my gay best friend messaged “hey love, how are you?” I ended up admitting much more than he had initially planned on hearing.
I admitting to buying xanax for myself to help me feel better about myself. He then proceeded to tell me we should take a week for me to get better, and to not use things like that to help me get better. I have low self esteem. I really do I insult myself so no one else can for me. I can’t stand rejection. It’s my form of defense. And line of sympathy.
I really have a problem. My last ex broke up with me for the low self esteem I have. I am quicker than quick to blame it on myself. Calling myself crazy, unstable, spoils, ruining his life. I always expect cuddling and saying poor, me.
I don’t want to live this life anymore. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I want people to look up to me. I know by behaving that way doesn’t help. He gave me a week of trying to figure out what I’m going to do to help myself.
I’m sad I’ve reached this point again in yet another relationship. How can I strengthen my self esteem? How can I stop thinking poor thoughts “he’s never going to want me back, he thinks I’m crazy, he’s probably been wanting to break up with me for a while.” How can I be more accepting. How can I maybe get him back?
What can I say to him by the end of the week to show him I want him back? And that I am doing everything I can to help my self esteem?