My boyfriend doesn’t love me. I was deluded on that front. In fairness to him though, he was deluded as well. I believe that he thought he loved me, but he is wrong. He doesn’t know love if he thinks it is what he feels for me.
He never says “I love you” except for in sex, where frankly, it doesn’t count. He doesn’t ever say it first and often won’t say it back. He said it is because he isn’t used to hearing himself say it, and it feels weird, but we have been together for almost 15 months, I would have thought he would be used to it by now.
He never makes an effort to see me and isn’t bothered if we don’t see each other. Going back a few months, I didn’t see him for weeks at a time. That was because he kept making excuses. Some of them were as lame as there was something on TV that he wanted to watch at his house. It was ludicrous.
He didn’t even bother to call on Christmas. I asked him to tell me when he was free so I could give him a call, but he didn’t. According to him he was busy for every minute of Christmas day. That hurt so much. He got cross with me that night because I told him (by text) that it had upset me that he didn’t want to wish me a merry Christmas. Like with all our arguments, I had to then apologise for getting cross. To this day I have never had an apology for that.
Unfortunately, although his issues with spending time together aren’t as pronounced as they were a few months ago, they are still there. He will see me if I ask him too, but he will never instigate it. Never does he display any really feelings towards me. He cuddles me lots and I really like that, but that is the only way he shows affection.
Before we got together, he told me as a friend that he hadn’t been with anyone for a long time and that he wanted to be in a relationship again. In his words it was “part of the plan” to be in a relationship at this time. Not long after saying this, he told me that he drunkenly kissed a girl at a party, and not long after that we got together. I can’t help but wonder that the reason we got together was because he knew that I liked him, and that it was part of his “plan”. I was just easy pickings. Again he frequently admits that he wouldn’t be anywhere near as happy if he “didn’t have a girlfriend”, but he never says me, just “a girlfriend”. He is quite shy, and he believes that he wouldn’t form another relationship easily (again something he himself has said). Basically I feel so unwanted. Personally I feel that he doesn’t want me, just the title of “a girlfriend”. I really love him, and I hope that my feelings are unjustified. What do you think?
This has all come to head now because of last night. This is make or break now. Am I being needy or is this justified? I just don’t know. Last night we went to the pub with some mutual friends. He spent the entire night avoiding a conversation with me and then left at the end without saying goodbye. I live a two minutes walk away from the pub, so just before I left (a minute after him) I texted him asking why I hadn’t got a goodbye and if he wanted to come back and stay at mine. He replied after a bit saying that he was halfway home and couldn’t be bothered to come back. I was so hurt that he had been so rude all night, so I told him his behaviour had upset me. He basically called me pathetic and said he “hadn’t been himself because of some stuff he was dealing with”. Today he has our friends round his to watch the formula 1 qualifying. I wasn’t invited, and I am a huge f1 fan. He knows this.
Am I being silly, or should I leave?