So where do I begin. About 11 months ago I started becoming friends with this girl on my debate team, I knew her for about a year or so before but I never really talked to her. We started talking a lot and soon her then best friend developed feelings for her but instead of telling her he essentially just started to say the meanest things to her for no real reason. Eventually it got to the point where he got jealous of me being her friend and it ended with me having to nearly fight this guy and more importantly get him to stop being such a terrible person to her. In going through all of this we became best friends. A month or so later I complimented her on something and she jokingly said “If we weren’t such good friends I’d totally make out with you right now, but I’m glad we’re just friends.” At this time I had little to no feelings for her so it wasn’t that bad.
Fast forward a couple of months and I’m totally crushing over her. Everyone thinks we’re a couple because she’s always around me and playing with my hands or something. Even our families are convinced that we’re a couple. Fast forward another couple of months and I finally tell her that I used to like her and mention something about how it would have been cool to give us a shot. She pulls this line on me “I’m protecting you from me because I don’t deserve you because you’re too good of a guy for me” now she does have a really low self esteem but this was completely out of no where.
Flash forward another couple months and we’re really close, but everytime I mention “us” as a couple she says that same line but she thinks that I don’t like her anymore. Even If I say “you don’t have to spare my feelings” she’ll insist she’s telling the truth. Fast forward a month or so it comes around time for my birthday. On my birthday she sent me a sexy picture over snapchat and then it turns out she planned a surprise birthday party with my sister (who she didn’t know and completely reached out to) She was able to get my closest friends and all of my immediate family there, which was really a surprise because almost no one can get my immediate family together after recent family events. The entire time at the party (which was a dinner party) she has her hand on my leg. Even my friend noticed who was sitting across from me, when we went to the bathroom he mentioned it in a joking way.
Fast forward a week, and I tell her that I have to go to another state for a month where I won’t be able to talk to her because it is very remote. She tells me that “Without you I won’t be able to sleep, I’ll be crying all the time, and I’ll be having severe panic attacks constantly. Please find a way to speak to me when you’re there.”
Fast forward to tonight/today. I went to her house at 9;00pm and stayed there until 12:30am and even though it would be probably the last time i see or talk to her for a month and some odd days she didn’t hug me or anything. She just walked me out of her house and said by with a sad look on her face. I have a 2 week period before I leave and I feel that I need to do something. But I’m really afraid because she’s the closest I’ve ever been with another human and if I were to ruin our frinedship I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
I have a bestfriend with whom I have an extremely complicated relationship and even though she “friendzoned” me months ago she says that “she’s protecting me from her” whenever the thought of us in a relationship comes up. I have 2 weeks before I leave to a place I probably won’t be able to talk to her for a month and a bit for. I’m afraid if she rejects me I will ruin our friendship which I can’t risk ruining, but if I don’t ask her to be my girlfriend I will lose the chance to date her which is what I want more than anything else right now. I’m a mess sis dolly, help would be appreciated.