Wall of text coming up:
I just need to tell my story and hear other’s stories. Two nights ago I broke up with my fiancee because I saw a text message that she cheated again. I can’t keep dealing with the hurt.
We started dating back in 2008. I met her at a bar and really hit it off. Started off as a friends with benefits situation because I was in college and didn’t want anything serious. Eventually one day we both realized that we really like each other more than we admit and decided to seriously start dating. Long story short, she didn’t graduate college and was working in my hometown as a nanny at the time. I was in college for my junior year. I worked at the beach as a lifeguard and that summer i asked her if she wanted to spend the summer at the beach with me. We moved there and had a wonderful summer. We were so in love. After the summer, we do the whole long distance thing between school. We both worked really hard to see each other and we made it work. I graduated, found a job in , and was planning on moving out here. I proposed to her and asked her to move with me and start a life together. I was the happiest man in the world. I never felt so good.
We moved together in a small one bedroom apartment in 2010. She didn’t have a job at the time and I was only making enough to cover living costs. Things were tough, I was stressed with a new job and new area because I have all of these new responsibilities and im new at work. Stressful times for the both of us.
Then one day I start noticing unusual behavior. Red flags everywhere and my gut screaming that something is wrong. So for the first time in my life and in any relationship, I broke down and snooped on her facebook. I felt like a piece of shit. I used to talk poorly about the guys that did that stuff. Then I found a message between her and a friend saying how she wasn’t sure if she still loved an ex boyfriend from high school. They talked often. I was crushed. So hurt. But I told myself that we can get through this. She is just scared and doesnt have a direction. So we try to move forward.
Our sex life was never amazing and that’s was something that was extremely important to me. But I dealt with that because we were doing so good. I loved our life together and I could deal with that. We moved to a new place together after a year at the small place. Thought things were going good until one day I through another situation I find out she sent naked pictures to another guy. Again, crushed. So hurt. That sinking feeling of being utterly and completely let down. When confronted she just shows no remorse and says its because she doesnt have a lot of friends and is confused with her life. what do I do? Buy her flowers and promise it will be all better.
That was back in september 2011. After working on things, she got another job being a nanny with another person. This person made her even more miserable. I knew that if we were going to finally work things out, I needed to start looking for a new job away from the boring suburbs to the city. So I left a job i was happy in and made a big jump to a new job. In this past October I got a job by an area where there are nothing but people our age. I started commuting 2+ hours to work everyday. Sometimes more depending on traffic or weather. Telling myself the whole time it’s worth it because we will have this wonderful life. Then again, I find out in january that since back in november she had an emotional (at least thats all i know) affair with a guy. Crushed again. But I promised that we were so close to moving and that we could make this work.
Now after this point, she goes away on a girls trip in the middle of march and comes back all depressed saying how she isnt happy. Saying how she needs to figure herself out. But we both made a commitment to see if this new area can help us out. I couldnt just jump back in 100% like the other times. I couldnt allow myself to get hurt so we took it slow. Then one day she leaves a party we were at to go to a basketball game with friends. Come to find out she went to go see another guy who she knew from high school that she told was single. She spent the night at his hotel. She says all that happened was they kissed and he touched her chest. But im not dumb. But then she promises to do couples therapy, she promises she is done and doesnt know why she pushes the most important thing away. So I stay! We are in the middle of moving boxes to our new place. So close, and 2 nights ago we are on speakerphone with customer service. She hangs up the phone and I see a text from a guy she met at the beach when she was being a nanny for her boss. (After i found out about the first guy and we had our blowup, she had to go to the beach for work for a week). I demanded that she let me read it. I find out that she made out with this guy and continued to flirt with him and sat next to him.
Im so lost. Im so hurt. She keeps saying she is sorry and this time she will change. How can I believe her? I can never trust her again. I hate myself for doing this to myself. Im afraid of being alone for the first time in 3 years, but im also tired of worrying constantly when the next time i will be crushed is. Sorry for the long story guys. Im just so lost.