I have been dating a man for 9 months. he seemed chivalrous and loving at first, but that quickly took a turn… a bad turn… i have been sticking it out waiting for improvements… waiting for him to wake up and see the real me – but it hasn’t happened. i have given up all hope.
about 1 month in, he called me one evening and i had been drinking wine. he asked if i was drunk, and i replied with a ‘nah! i’m fine!’ it wasn’t intended to be a flat out manipulative lie – it was a denial. i admit, i was enebriated. i admit i shouldn’t have denied having some pinot. i have been profusely apologizing for the past 8 months straight for it. he went ballistic. this lie of mine snowballed into accusations of drug abuse and cheating – none of which i have done. he has repeadedly said that he doesn’t know what to believe since i lied to him once. in an effort to make peace, i have tried to change my behavior to regain his trust. every step i make has been scrutinized and i find myself constantly being interrogated. he finds ways to accuse me of cheating and substance abuse – this morning he found a pair of my underwear in my bed [we do not live together]. i honestly am not sure how it got there – my guess is when i was sorting laundry on the bed yesterday it got caught up in the sheets. he didn’t believe me. he accused me of having another man in my bed. and i was left without a logical explaination. which is how it always seems to go. he finds something out of place. a chair. a glass. a pair of my underwear… and it turns into a full out accusation of infidelity. when these accusations occur, i don’t take it well. at all. i completely blew up at him and demanded my key back. he continued the accusations and said my temper was ‘proof’ and that i had ‘proved him right’.
this morning, i told him all i want is his trust and for him to be kind to me. but if that wasn’t going to happen then we needed to consider other options. 30 seconds later he’s shoving a pair of my underwear in my face and accusing me of cheating. part of me wants to dismiss this of him just being hurt, but it’s been going on for months. with no end in sight. no promise of improvement in the future.
i really wanted things to work out. tell me i’m doing the right thing by letting him go.